Your stomach growls when you don’t eat rice for a day.
You believe “kecap ABC” could turn bad cooking to gourmet food.
You talk during a movie.
You eat fried rice in the morning.
You prefer Versace or Moschino jeans over Gap or Levi’s.
You don’t think Jim Carrey is funny.
You think Onky Alexander is a hunk.
You think Rhoma Irama is “kampungan”.
You carry a 16 oz. jar of sambal to where ever you travel.
Driving a car that is cheaper than $15,000 embarrasses you.
You think dangdut is stupid, but listen to it anyways, because you are homesick.
You are willing to travel 25 miles to buy tahu and tempe.
You are “Dreaming of a WARM Christmas”.
You are very good at avoiding potholes and other road hazards.
Your local McDonald’s serves rice and sambal.
You think Supermie is a staple food.
You have ever tried passing a Rp 50 coin as a quarter in a US vending machine/pay phone.
You have ever successfully bribed a police officer.
You have ever successfully bribed a customs officer.
You do your shopping in Singapore.
Your drivers license claims you are 5 years older then you really are.
You have ever legally bought pirated software.
You have ever been forced to memorize UUD’45.
You have bought something from a barefooted street peddler.
You know exactly how many islands Indonesia has.
You have ever eaten something sold off a cart on wheels.
You realized that money is everything before you were six.
The first thing that comes to mind when hearing the word “Jakarta” is “macet”.
Someone you know has ever ridden on top of a train.
Your daily commute includes thinking up new ways to ride the city bus for free.
You don’t mind people being late.
You think standing in line is a waste of time.
You have tried every Monday of your youth trying to avoid “upacara bendera”.
You have used a mosquito repellant that looks like a coil and is lit on one end.
You use the terms “Ni yee”, “-lah” and “Ih, jijay” on daily basis.
You know what Pancasila is, what it means and know it by heart.
You complain that movies in America don’t have sub-titles.
Your daily conversation may include enactments of TV commercials.
You have ever consulted a “dukun”.
Your whole class has ever cheated on a test, and gotten away with it.
You have ever spent the night before an exam looking for someone who sells the questions.
You like the smell of terasi.
You think the Thomas Cup is equal to the Super Bowl.
You can name a manufacturer of shuttlecocks/badminton birdies.
You have a 16′ satellite dish hidden in your back yard.
You have ever ridden in a motor vehicle with three wheels.
You miss your maid during laundry day.
Your clothing has brand names printed on it that is visible from 50′ away.
You attend weddings only until you are done eating.
You have attended weddings that you are not invited to.
You go to McDonald’s to get your weekly supply of ketchup, salt, pepper and napkins.
You know more than one music group that stole the tune of Cranberries’ “Zombie”.
You have a can of Baygon on your kitchen table.
You make major decisions based on “gengsi”.
You take advantage of Wal-Mart’s 30 days money-back-guarantee to “borrow” home appliances.
Someone in your family has extra pockets in his outfit to hide cookies from the all-you-can-eat bar.
You have paid more then $1000 to get your name on your license plate.
When watching TV you regularly find that all the channels broadcast the same thing.
You know more than 10 acronyms/abbreviations.
You set the ring tone of your cell phone as loud as possible.
You spend your weekends at an expensive five star hotel near your house.
You have one of those gigantic 5000 watts stereo system even though you can’t turn it as loud as you can since you live in a crowded neighborhood.
Your Toyota Kijang is packed with bull bar, fog lights, roof rail, car alarm, expensive car audio, gold plated emblems, tail light “protector”, racing steering wheels, sports muffler, lowered suspension, 17 inch wheels with expensive tires, etc. Yet you find them not “gaul” enough.
You are able to squeeze 15 passengers in your Toyota Kijang.
If you’re rich, you buy a huge 50.000 dollars imported SUV and demands it to run minimal 12 kilometers with a liter of gas.
You refuse to buy unleaded gas for your imported car even though it costs less than 20 cents a liter.
You have your drivers license at the age of 14.
You got it without any driving tests.
You are unfamiliar with electric stove.
You are even more unfamiliar with microwave ovens.
If you’re a student, your main purpose in life is to succeed in UMPTN and get into a Universitas Negeri.
If you’ve graduated from college, your main purpose in life is to find an easy job with big salary at a foreign company even if you have to stay unemployed for five years to find one.
If you finally got a job, your main purpose in life is now to get a wife/husband that’s rich, from a “good” family, and the most importantly good looking in order to “memperbaiki keturunan”.
You’re proud to be Indonesian – and you pass these jokes on to all your Indonesian friends!
Categories: In English / Bahasa Inggris
Daniel Malau adalah ayah dari 2 orang anak dan suami dari seorang istri, tinggal di daerah Tangerang Selatan, Banten.
Blog ini dibuat awalnya untuk mengoleksi cerita-cerita lucu untuk dibaca kembali di kemudian hari, namun ternyata banyak yang melakukan pencarian cerita lucu lewat mesin pencari khususnya google. Itulah yang menjadi motivasi untuk meneruskan blog ini sampai sekarang, dengan harapan pengunjung akan terhibur dengan isinya.
Selamat menikmati... :)