Cerita Lucu @ Malau.Net

Mary was meeting her friend, Sheila, who was an incredibly mean person.
How are things with you?
I’m short of cash at the moment. If only I had ten dollars for every man who asked me to marry him.
Yes, then you just might be able to pay for your own coffee.

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I’d like 100 grams of acetysalicyclic acid in tablet form, please.
You mean, said the chemist, you’d like some aspirins, sir?
That’s right. I can never remember the name.

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If only I had been born two thousand years ago.
Why son?
Because there would not be so much history to learn

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I wish you would stop playing that trumpet. I think I’m going mad!
I stopped playing half an hour ago, dad! Baca selengkapnya »

Men, I’m sorry to tell you that Corporal Wright was killed by a tiger on a jungle path last night because he didn’t think quickly enough. Private Smith, if you had been in the Corporal’s shoes, what steps would you have taken?
Great big ones, sir!

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A man paid $1000 for a dog that could talk. He took it to a friend and said, “Look at this. I have a dog that talks.”
“Don’t be stupid”, his friend said. “I’ll bet you $30 it can’t talk.”
The dog said nothing and the man had to pay his friend $30. He was furious.
“Why didn’t you say something, you stupid animal? If you had said something, I would have won $30.”
“Not so stupid”, said the dog. “Just think of the money you’ll win next time.”

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When we arrived at the airport this morning, there was a man running up and down shouting. “Take a bus, take a train but don’t take a plane. It’s wrong to fly. If God had meant people to fly, he would have given them wings.”
Who was the man?
Our pilot! Baca selengkapnya »

Analisis Prof. Ucup tentang Kenaikan Harga BBM

Ada yang punya analisis dan menyimpulkan bahwa kenaikan Harga BBM dapat mengakibatkan jumlah rakyat miskin turun…?!

Kaya’ yang dibilang LPEM-UI bahwa adanya korelasi kenaikan BBM dengan penurunan rakyat miskin. Kenaikan BBM sebesar 10% dapat menurunkan jumlah rakyat miskin sampe 14%.

Jadi, penurunan jumlah rakyat miskin ini bisa mencapai 100%, apabila kenaikan BBM tersebut mencapai 100%.

Analisisnya adalah sebagai berikut:
Harga BBM naik - tadinya rakyat miskin yang naik bis, sekarang jadi jalan kaki… terus di jalan ketabrak metromini yang ngebut karena nguber setoran (gara-gara BBM-nya naik), terus mati… - RAKYAT MISKIN BERKURANG

Tadinya rakyat miskin makan sehari 1x, terus jadi makan 1x tapi buat 3 hari (karena daya belinya turun)… lama-lama mati kelaparan… - RAKYAT MISKIN BERKURANG Baca selengkapnya »

If you had 20 apples in your right hand and 30 in your left, what would you have?
Sore arms.

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A doctor asked three men what they would do if he told them they only had one month left to live.
I would stop work, live quietly, and prepare to die, replied the first man.
I would take all my money out of the bank and spend it, said the second man.
I would get a second opinion, said the third man.

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Spell blind bird.
b-l-i-n-d-b-i-r-d
Wrong. It’s b-l-n-d b-r-d because if it had two i’s, it would not be blind!

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What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Polish them. Baca selengkapnya »

A famous film director was shouting at a group of actors. The company doctor said, “If you shout all the time, you’ll get an ulcer.”
The director look at the doctor and replied, “I don’t get ulcers, I give them.”

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Anne, why do doctors wear masks when they operate?
So that nobody will recognize them if anything wrong goes.

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I want to live to a very old age.
That’s easy. If you eat an apple every day for 1200 months, you’ll live to be 100 years old.

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The diamond necklace looks wonderful on you, madam.
Yes, it does, doesn’t it? But if my husband doesn’t like it, will you refuse to take it back? Baca selengkapnya »