Short Jokes (Part 1)
A famous film director was shouting at a group of actors. The company doctor said, “If you shout all the time, you’ll get an ulcer.”
The director look at the doctor and replied, “I don’t get ulcers, I give them.”
———–
Anne, why do doctors wear masks when they operate?
So that nobody will recognize them if anything wrong goes.
———–
I want to live to a very old age.
That’s easy. If you eat an apple every day for 1200 months, you’ll live to be 100 years old.
———–
The diamond necklace looks wonderful on you, madam.
Yes, it does, doesn’t it? But if my husband doesn’t like it, will you refuse to take it back?
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On the ferry to France, you must all be very careful, said the headmaster. If a student falls into the sea, what will you do?
Shout “Boy overboard”, sir.
And what will you do if a teacher falls into the sea?
…???
There was a moment of silence, then a voice said:
“It would depend which one, sir!”
———–
Darling, what do you do with all the money I give you?
Well, dear. If you stand in front of the mirror, you’ll see where it goes!
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Do you think I have a gift for playing the piano?
No, but I’ll give you one, if you stop playing.
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What shall we do tonight?
Let’s toss a coin to decide.
Okay.
If it’s heads, we’ll watch television and if it’s tails we’ll play football. But if it lands on its edge, we’ll do our homework!
———–
Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
If you sit down, I’ll deal with you in a minute.
———–
Jones, if I give you $5.50 and $20.45, what will you have?
A smile on my face, sir!
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