Wife: “Honey… what are you looking for?”

Husband: “Nothing.”

Wife: “Nothing?? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour…”

Husband: “I was just looking for the expiration date.”

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Q – What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife?

A – One Woman Brings you into this world crying… & the other ensures you continue to do so.

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Wife: “Do you want dinner?”

Husband: “Sure, what are my choices?”

Wife: “Yes and no.”

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Wife: “You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?”

Husband: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”

Wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”

Husband: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?’”

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Girl: “When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.”

Boy: “It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.”

Girl: “Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.”

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Son: “Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.”

Mom: “Well, you have done the right thing.”

Son: “But Mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.”

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A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE.”

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Interviewer to Millionaire: “To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?”

Millionaire: “A billionaire.”

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Girl to her boyfriend: “One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.”

The guy replies: “Thanks for the warning.”

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A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humor.”