Oh Man…
What would the world be like without men?
Full of fat, happy women
—
Better to have loved and lost
…than spent your whole life with him
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A woman needs a man
…like a fish needs a bicycle
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Love starts when you sink into his arms
…and ends with your arms in his sink
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Women’s faults are many, men have only two
…everything they say and everything they do
—
Three wise men?
You’ve got to be kidding
—
Stilettos are a pushover…
Wear boots
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Boys will be boys,
…but girls always become women
—
What do you call a man who’s lost 90% of his brain?
A widower!
—
If high heels are such a good idea
…why don’t men wear them?
—
Marriage is not a word,
…it’s a sentence.
—
Why do men give names to their penis’
‘Cause they don’t want some stranger making 95% of their decisions.
—
But if they can send one man to the moon,
Why can’t they send them all?
—
How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
—
What do you call a thousand men at the bottom of Lake Ontario?
A good start.
—
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
—
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.
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Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don’t stop and ask for directions.
—
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
—
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
—
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
—
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know, it has never happened.
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Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
—
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
—
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.
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How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after creating Eve?
“Practice makes perfect.”
—
How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken.
—
Man says to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God says: “So you would love her.”
Man says: “But God, why did you make her so dumb?”
God says: “So she would love you.”
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